Play On.

seattlewhimp:

March 4th of this year will be my ten month anniversary.

Fucking scary ass shit.

I still can’t believe it’s almost been a year since I moved here.

What I have learned in the past nine months is some crazy ass real life shit.

I don’t feel like getting into that because each lesson leads into…

When I first decided that I was really going to major in nursing in college, I was drawn to UCI. I was enticed by the atmosphere as well as other reasons I’m not going to reveal but good reasons nonetheless. It quickly became my top choice and I waited in agony everyday for a number of weeks, excited to hear back from them because I was fairly sure I’d make it into there and be able to study nursing like I wanted.

So, this morning, when I woke up to an email sent to my phone from UCI informing me that my admissions status has been updated, I jumped out of bed and ran straight to my computer. I logged into my NetID portal and clicked on “Check My Admission Status.” I was accepted. I was ecstatic, so ecstatic that I did not realize that I was accepted as an “Undeclared” major, meaning that I had not made it into the nursing program. The program I was so excited for. The program that was going to guarantee me a career in a field I loved and interested me. The program that made my dream school my dream school.

I looked up the stats for the UCI nursing program and discovered that there was only a 10% chance for incoming freshmen to make it in and a 5% chance for students to transfer into the program. I sat there for a good moment, realized what it meant, and cried. I cried because I realized that my set plans for the future have been altered without my preparation and that meant that, at least for a while, I would have to not know what to do. I had no set academic direction which lead to a feeling of being lost which was weird; it was something I was not used to experiencing because I’ve always been one to plan for my future.

My mom handed me a tissue as I stepped out of the car heavy hearted. I sat in class and was quiet because my mind was somewhere else. I knew it was a bad idea to set all my hopes on one plan because plans often change but I did it anyway and I was feeling the consequence of my naiveness.

I was wearing heavy boots until, as usual, my friends, being their crazy selves, began to make me smile because being around them, I can’t not. We talked of cookies and music and laughed at caught speech fails and funny sounding instruments on Digital Performer. I laughed at lunch time, drew pictures in Econ class, and watched The Twilight Zone in English. I stayed two hours after school to help out with more musical stuff. I helped someone learn their part and listened to Spanish music with a friend. I got home, finished all my homework early, and sat down to write a blog post about how today, I learned that even when life takes a turn, it is still okay. Change is okay.

God still loves me. I still have friends that care. My parents will still be proud of me. My brother is still my best friend. I am still in a relationship with my other half. I will still be able to take a warm shower in the evening, sleep peacefully at night, and wake up to a new day in the morning.

My plans have changed and it’s okay. I don’t know if I will attend there and keep applying to the program. Or attend there and decide to major in something else. Or not even attend there altogether and begin my journey somewhere else. And I’ve come to terms with the unknown and it’s alllll good because right now, I know I’m happy with where I’m at and I’ll be happy wherever God decides to take me because I know His plan for me is better than any plan I could ever dream for myself.

And this has been the longest post ever, I know, but I just wanted to say thank you for posting this, Ipek. Because although I already learned the lesson throughout the day, it’s comforting to know that I’m not alone. Change happens to everyone and it’s normal to not know what to do or what is going to happen. Big changes means so many new experiences and opportunities to take advantage of. I am certain that whatever happens, it will be great. We’ll look back 5 years from now and see exactly why things have worked out the way they did, and we’ll be glad.

It’s all in His hands, girlie. :)